You Only Make This Mistake Once



WAITER: "Hello, I'll bring you all some water, would you like anything else to drink?"

ME: "Sure, I'll have the house margarita with silver tequila, please."

WAITER: "Small?"

ME: [Huh. Do they come in sizes - like, can I actually get a Slurpee sized margarita?] "Oh! [perhaps a little too excidedly] Fun, I didn't know there were options, but I'll just go with your regular" [feeling clever, smiling] "school night and all."

WAITER: "Regular?" [looking super confused]

ME: "Yep!"

WAITER: "ohhhh-kaaaay. 'Regular' it is!" [chuckling audibly]

WAITER: [to the table] "Are you all afraid?"

ME: [Um, I don't think I heard him correctly, but since I definitely heard "you all", I'm pretty sure he's addressing the whole table so I'll just let everyone else answer... phew, thank goodness for other people at the table]

DINING COMPANION #1: "YES!"

DINING COMPANIONS #2&3: [both laughing] "NO!"

ME: [Oh shit, what good are you people??]

[WAITER LOOKS AT ME WITH RAISED EYEBROWS, WAITING FOR AN ANSWER]

ME: "Oh. Um. I'm not sure."

WAITER: [At this point likely considering whether he should serve me a margarita of any size] "OK, Well, would you like peas and carrots?"

ME: [God, how weird. I'm almost positive I heard that clearly, but it doesn't fit, so maybe I should ask him to repeat it. hmmm everyone else is saying 'yes' at my table and I definitely don't want peas and carrots, but if this is a thing here maybe my dining companions will let me have a taste of theirs.]"Oh, that's unexpected. Not for me, thanks, but I'm curious, so maybe they'll let me try theirs."

[CONFUSED FACES ALL AROUND]
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What was actually said:

WAITER: "Hello, I'll bring you all some water, would you like anything else to drink?"
ME: "Sure, I'll have the house margarita with silver tequila, please."
WAITER: "SALT?"
ME: "Oh! Fun! I didn't know there were options, but I'll just go with your regular, school night and all."
WAITER: "Regular?"
ME: "Yep!"
WAITER: "ohhhh-kaaaay. 'Regular' it is!"
WAITER: "Are you all related?"
#1 DINING COMPANION: "YES!"
DINING COMPANIONS #2 & 3: "NO!"
ME: "Oh. Um, I'm not sure."
WAITER: "OK. Would you like chips and salsa?"
ME: "Oh, that's unexpected. Not for me, thanks, but I'm curious, so maybe they'll let me try theirs."

Making mental note: Next time order the Slurpee-sized marg.

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